Monday, April 20

Transcriptions from Free Love Fundamentals with REiD N Kamala Devi

Much of the material for the book is generated from recording our talks and workshops. Free love is such a cutting edge topic for this culture that many of the teachings have never been written down, (at least not the way we teach it.)

I’m Kamala Devi and I am a sacred sex and creativity coach. What makes me qualified to write about poly is not about any credentials, books or training, but that my beloved Michael and I have been in a successful open marriage for over 7 years, we have multiple lovers. So on one hand we have this nice traditional family and on the other hand we’ve experimented sexually with just about every thing that interests us (except no barn animals). And it feels like we’re still learning and exploring. In the field of polyamory, I don’t see myself as a teacher as a perpetual student. We’re on the journey and we love meeting new friends and lovers and inviting them to join us on our path.

I’m REiD Mihalko and I’m a sex and relationship geek, in a lot of ways, and part of the reason I’m so excited to write about Free Love is a lot of my journey came from me figuring out how to make relationships work for me and how not to be the bad communicator that my mom and dad were (even though they loved each other and were amazing parents) and part of the confusion for me was that in high-school and a little bit of college- I tried really hard to do things right, to be a virgin, to get married, and it didn’t work. And to just figure out why it was when I was in love with people why I wanted to be with other people. And figuring out my sexuality-now I identify as queer, and growing up in new Hampshire we didn’t have role models for people like me, so a lot of my life is about sharing the things that I’ve learned and sharing what works period if their non-monogamous, monogamous or just single and spread those communications in clever and fun ways, while I continue to go deeper and ask for the things that are scary for me and being a good role model for being in integrity and being as meticulous as you can be with your relationships. Now I’ve been poly for 10 years, I knew of the word for 7. I have 3 successful relationships right now, 1 is almost 2 years old and the others are almost 5, things are really fun and exciting.

Our intention is to share what we know works in relationship. A lot of the tools and tips that we teach work well whether your in mongo my or non-monogamy, but we’re committed to giving ideas, tips, tools and advice that you can start applying immediately.
Often times when we start to discuss, explore study relationships, we automatically start thinking about others. We consider what we think our spouses, partners or lovers would think or feel. We evaluate if they would agree or disagree or how they would react if we were to somehow change the way we show up in relationship. And I acknowledge that’s a natural reaction, but I want to invite you to stay connected to your own feelings on the subjects and what is right and true for you and your nature, regardless of whether it would be popular amongst other people. In my spiritual practice, the true primary relationship is the self. The only work we can do is on the self. We can’t take responsibility for or change anybody but us. And paradoxically, the capacity to which you are capable of loving others is dependant on how much self love and respect you have. At every level: physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually it all starts with you. One of my intentions for this book is that you come away feeling like “I’m the beloved”. And anybody who’s going to be in a relationship with me is going to honor my truth. And that’s what I want for all of you.

Take an honest self assessment: Where are you at? What does your free love constellation look like? What’s really going on for you in relationship? What are your blocks and challenges? And then be real: what do you want? What is your free love fantasy? That might be overcoming the challenge or karmic pattern you’ve had all your life. Or maybe it’s a sexual fantasy, maybe it’s just an idea or vision, take a few deep breaths and a moment to really ask what’s in your heart, if really you gave yourself permission to love freely…what would that look like.

Now if we were to take full responsibility for manifesting our lives we would soon realize that we are the only ones stopping us. If we are going to make any kind of change in reading this book, the change is going to start within us. Take radical inventory of what’s holding you back. What is stopping you from your full expression in Free Love? Are you willing to release or let go of your own limiting beliefs so that you can take a quantum leap forward towards your full self expression?

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