Sunday, April 26

1 Lovestlyes

On the brave new relationship horizon, there are rosy fingers sunbeams radiating from the catch-all term: Free Love. At the heart of all the radiance is ethics. Why? Because the umbrella term Free Love implies that all individuals are in a relationship where they are free to be themselves, fully expressed, honest and transparent. Which naturally results in a high degree of integrity and ethics. Free Love is not a hedonistic practice of: do whatever you want whenever you feel like. This immature ideal from the hippy hay-day has fallen apart and in it’s place a new and naturally heart centered way of relating has been born. Free Love is about living in abundance and agreement rather than in lack and “by the rules.” Further, we favor this term because it is a broad enough umbrella to unite a multiplicity of identities such as: polyamory, polfidelity, swinging, open marriage, kink, celibacy, and various other forms of non-monogomy. We propose that the only thing that is not free love is cheating. Free Love emphasizes freedom of expression, openness, communication and informed consent.

By definition Cheating is an act of lying, deception, trickery, or fraud. In relationship it is when one party knowingly breaks their relationship agreement and hides it from their lover (s). Since, in it’s truest form, Free Love is about informed consent, all parties being at choice, transparent, and shamelessly expressed, it is mutually exclusive with cheating. Free Love turns infidelity inside out. Many people come to Free love after years of realizing that monogamous relationships don’t work for them. Consider this, if a cheater suddenly decided that instead of sneaking around and lying he was going to own his feelings and declare the truth to all parties involved, it would restore his integrity and liberate his love. (Granted his lovers may not chose to stay with him, but at least they would have what they need to make an informed decision.)

This example is like flipping a moldy carpet over and dragging it into the sunlight where it can get some air and dry out. The musty smell of “not having integrity” begins to fade and soon he’s not cheating anymore. He’s not sneaking around because there is nothing to hide. Integrity is restored because he’s created a dynamic where intimacy and truth and honesty can flourish along side his feelings of love, attraction, lust, and/or freedom. Suddenly, nothings is “wrong” or disgusting or shameful. If anything, now he has to deal with an uncomfortably new feeling called freedom, which isn’t “reckless” anymore, but, natural and nurturing.

Of course this is just one single example of why someone might turn to Free Love. The only thing more vast and varied than “why” people decide to do free love, is “How” they do it. Deep within every human heart there is a puzzle piece which is shaped differently. We each have different needs, desires and potentials. Thus there is a multitude of different love styles to chose from. In this chapter we will explore an array of love styles as well as labels and give you permission to reflect more deeply on what is the shape of your heart? Within the wide spectrum of free love, do you know what you want? What is your relationship geometry? What’s going on in your constellation? More specifically, what do you want? Do you want to be single, in a partnership? Seeing two people in a committed triad? Or a dozen?
For more excerpts from Free Love: Can You Really Afford it by Kamala Devi and REiD Mihalko go to:

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