Wednesday, August 31

Like This by Rumi

If anyone asks you how the perfect satisfaction of all our sexual wanting will look, lift your face and say,
Like this.
When someone mentions the gracefulness of the nightsky, climb up on the roof and dance and say,
Like this.
If anyone wants to know what "spirit" is, or what "God’s fragrance" means, lean your head toward him or her. Keep your face there close.
Like this.
When someone quotes the old poetic image about clouds gradually uncovering the moon, slowly loosen knot by knot the strings of your robe.
Like this.
If anyone wonders how Jesus raised the dead, don’t try to explain the miracle. Kiss me on the lips.
Like this. Like this.
When someone asks what it means to "die for love," point here.
If someone asks how tall I am, frown and measure with your fingers the space between the creases on your forehead.
This tall.
The soul sometimes leaves the body, the returns.
When someone doesn’t believe that,
walk back into my house.
Like this.
When lovers moan,
they’re telling our story.
Like this.
I am a sky where spirits live.
Stare into this deepening blue,
while the breeze says a secret.
Like this.
When someone asks what there is to do,
light the candle in his hand.
Like this.
How did Joseph’s scent come to Jacob?
How did Jacob’s sight return?
A little wind cleans the eyes.
Like this.
When Shams comes back from Tabriz,
he’ll put just his head around the edge
of the door to surprise us 
Like this.

Tantra Theater Call-Back Auditions!

Sack-Religious Holiday Show
"Come all ye who are religious in the sack!" 
We'll be starting the next Course on TUESDAYS at 6:30 in September, October and November.
We are planning a spectacular performance showcase in December!
I suggest you put the following dates on your calendar, and LIGHTEN UP your work and social calendar so that you can dive deeply into rehearsals and have time for emotional process and/or homework.
Open house and Auditions on Sept 6th. The first rehearsal begins on Sept. 13th. Please wear comfy clothes, bring pen, journal, inspiration and an open mind.

Must be available to rehearse weekly on Tuesdays at 6:45pm.

September: 13, 20, 27

October: 4, 11, 18, 25

November: 1, 8, 15 22, 29

December: 6, *7, *8, *9, *10 (*possible show dates)
other rehearsals during Tech week TBA
Wrap party: December 13th or following week if we do a later show. It is required that you miss no more than 3 classes AND dress rehearsal is mandatory.
San Diego TT has (3) three levels of participation: Personal, Transpersonal & Crew.

1) PERSONAL: We're seeking open-minded individuals who are interested in radical personal growth, no performance experience necessary. The Tantra Theater training provides a safe, challenging, non-judgmental space for spiritual seekers to experience their full expression. The training is a 90-day course that culminates in a showcase.
2) TRANSPERSONAL: We're also seeking Performance artists with improvisational skills, who are also empathic listeners who love serving the community. The San Diego Tantra Theater Troupe is a collective of spiritual artists who explore and empower sacred sexuality on stage. We collaborate to create performances that promote a greater understanding of sacred sexual issues in conscious communities within and beyond San Diego. Our personal, vulnerable and sometimes controversial presentations inspire learning, open discussion and spiritual awakening. During performance, both artists and audience have an opportunity to realize the creative power within their sex center. Using comedy, drama, and dance, we aim to educate, entertain and enlighten. (Prerequisite: Two or more 90-day courses or equivalent experience are necessary to become a member of the troupe.)

3) CREW: We can always use helping hands with lights, camera, sound, costume, props, concessions, ushering and fluffing. Experience, availability and positive attitude are appreciated! Our budget is limited but experienced Stage Management and video work may be compensated. Most other work is volunteer or trade for free attendance. We currently have a small, overworked team of groupies who are excited to expand the team.
MISSION STATEMENT: SD Tantra Theater Troupe combines ritual and performance to transmute sexual guilt, shame and fear into art, healing and liberation. We celebrate that every aspect of life's drama is sacred.
TANTRA THEATER TROUPE is a collective of artist, healers and teachers that produce performances, workshops and events for personal growth. Created in 2009 under the direction of author and Tantra Teacher, Kamala Devi, Tantra Theatre has performed locally as well as at national sacred sex conferences and festivals.

We are looking for creative, open minded, intuitive, vulnerable and honest storytellers with a good sense of humor, and a love for learning. What we look for:

· Empathic listening skills

· Available to rehearse weekly
· Comfortable with personal growth and movement-based work
· Community orientation: personality that plays well with others
· Strong stage presence: both as an ensemble player and as a solo performer

· Optional artistic skills: Music, dance, poetry all other tantric arts welcome!


· Deep heart connections with cast and crew
· Opportunity to grow as a person and performer
· The ability to safely perform to audience of over 100 people
· Commemorative DVD of your performance
· Visibility through video clips on on http
· Performing for many different circumstances in a broad range of venues
· Opportunity to affect Social change
· Rehearse 6:30-9:30pm once per week for 9 weeks (Plus longer later hours during tech-week, on the week before the showcase.)
· 1.5 hour Private coaching to develop your personal narrative.
· 10 hours of personal homework, writing, rehearsing and at least 1-2 hours/month of volunteer work.
· Upon first joining, you'll be invited to take part in an 9-week deep personal growth group to get your skills up to performance level. The financial commitment for this course is only $497. Returning students receive $100 discount.


· Email Kamala Devi, Director, to tell us you are interested in auditioning, and get directions.
· Come to the next scheduled audition. You needn’t prepare anything.
· If we like each other and feel creative synergy, you will either be asked come to a callback audition or be invited to join the next 90-day journey and be a part of the Holiday show!

Sunday, August 28

It sounds like wish list or an unrealistic fantasy from a personals ad.
but they are the romantic lyrics from one of my favorite songs.
Ani DiFranco wants to know if she's asking too much.
To which I say:

As long as your not asking it all of just ONE person, then
you can't possibly ask for too much.

Asking too much
I want somebody 
who sees the pointlessness
and still keeps their purpose in mind
I want somebody 
who has a tortured soul
some of the time
I want somebody 
who will either put out for me
or put me out of misery
or maybe
just put it all to words
and make me say, you know
I never heard it put that way
make me say, what did you just say?
I want somebody 
who can hold my interest
hold it and never let it fall
someone who can flatten me 
with a kiss that hits like a fist
or a sentence, that stops me 
like a brick wall
because if you hear me talking
listen to what I'm not saying 
if you hear me playing guitar
listen to what I'm not playing
and don't ask
me to put words
to all the spaces between notes
in fact if you have to ask, forget it
do and you'll regret it
I'm tired of being the interesting one
I'm tired of heving fun for two
just lay yourself on the line
and I might lay myself down by you
but don't sit behind your eyes
and wait for me to surprise you
I want somebody 
who can make me scream 
until it's funny
give me a run for my money
I want someone who can
twist me up in knots
tell me, for the woman who has everything
what have you got?
I want someone 
who's not afraid of me
or anyone else
in other words 
I want someone
who's not afraid of themself
do you think I'm asking too much?

No way.
Make up a list as long as your wildest fantasy
and see it get fulfilled by your community.
Kamala Devi

Friday, August 19

What is a Tantric MatchMaker???

Too Shy to ask someone for a sacred sensual encounter? We are going to have several Tantra Yentas (Matchmakers) at Tantra-Palooza. Here are some ideas of messages you can send to the object of your desire: 1) I have a crush on you. 2) want to go on a speed date (15 minute walk or share a meal. 3) Or would you like to share some sacred sensual practices? Kamala Devi tells the story of how she was first introduced to the idea of 'il postino' at Zegg and she is actively looking for someone who wants to be a designated messanger at Tantra-Palooza.

Monday, August 15

Boundaries at Sex Clubs (take 2)

Kamala Devi tells the story of her first Sex club in a foreign country and some best practices for setting clear boundaries when you can't speak the language. She describes the intimate details of her recent experience in Paris with her poly pod of lovers.

Sunday, August 14

Problems in Poly Paradise

     You may imagine that I'm having group sex all the time as I'm traveling with my husband and three  (give or take) polyamorous lovers through Europe. In fact we'd like to imagine that we're having more sex than we are. But even the best laid plans are still just plans to get laid. The reality of navigating through 3 foreign speaking countries with dietary restrictions, jealousy issues, relationships in transition, and a 4 year old boy can take a toll on how sexy one feels by the end of the day.  
    Even though we've let our "love levels" run down at times, we still have had an impeccable practice of  openness and honesty. Each one of us has been willing to speak their truth as it arises. And so it is in that spirit that I write this blog about some of the challenges of our non-residential poly living experiment. 
    Since I have already posted 10 mini video blogs about our life-changing time at Zegg Sommercamp, I will start this story in Berlin, when Michael, Devin (age 4), Adam, our New York Shawna and I stayed in a beautiful custom built home with a sexy and playful photographer who warmly welcomed our jet-lagged lovers Jennifer and James by creating a huge homemade vegetarian feast. During those 4 nights we toured the city, visited art exhibits, drank espresso, danced barefoot, hiked by moonlight, and modeled nude for photos.  There was much flirtation and sensual play, but we were too tired on most nights to make love. The emotional undercurrent was that Michael was exhausted from watching Devin, Jenn had a argument about poly with her husband on the way to the airport, and James was insecure that his sexual attraction was unrequited by me as I was emotionally untangling from a year-long relationship with his brother. All this process was contained by the household of our hosts who are actively undergoing divorce.  
     Michael and Devin left a day early for the Italian Alps. Jennifer, James and I said goodbye to our beloved lovers from Zegg and frantically fled the city nearly missing our plane to Milano. A 4 hour drive to the Mountains turned into a fiasco because of a broken GPS system.  The cruel British accent continuously sent us into corn fields and we were not able to find a local map. When we finally reached the our Bed and Breakfast in the breathtaking cliffs of the Alps near Austria, our hostess was kind enough to cater to our gluten free and/or vegan diets. 
     During the days we explored castles, cafes, pastures and vistas. The challenge was always traveling in group, and wanting to squeeze in so much activity into each day.  Each night at dinner we share from our heart, both our highlights and our challenges while continuously interrupted by questions about rockets and race cars.  One highlight was when we got tipsy on free homemade grappa and enjoyed a spontaneous massage/snuggle party. Our lowlights were wide discrepancies in temperature preferences, sleeping arrangements, driving habits, and limitations in dietary options.
     After three nights of magical lighting storms, we were ready to head south for warmer weather in the Italian Riviera. We were struck by the surreal spattering of sexy disco bars and bouncy children's rides throughout the strip. The warm shallow beaches were crawling with speedos and hairy armpits but we were disappointed (and a bit embarrassed) to discover that toplessness had long since gone out of style. 
     It was on the beach, in the sweltering heat after days of sleepless nights that James revealed the depth of his disappointment for not having a more intimate connection with me. He admitted to having built up expectations of how connected we would be on the trip. He also took responsibility for his pattern of minimizing his process because he didn't want to detract energy from the group. Since we were all operating from extreme sleep depravation with virtually no time to process on our own, he was considering ending his trip early. Of course, we would support whatever he needed to do to take care of himself, I told him, but I was personally devastated by the thought of losing his companionship. In attempts to avoid my own disappointment I offered my famous combination of inappropriate humor and manipulation:  "If you leave now you'll cause irreparable psychological damage to my little boy who will need years of therapy to work out his abandonment issues." Through laughter and tears we took an honest look at what wasn't working in our relationship and agreed it was time to transitioning our 'erotic friendship' into a more platonic heart-centered connection.
    We gathered for a "family meeting" over vegetarian pizza and salad dinner. James did his best to share his struggles while being continuously interrupted every time Devin wanted a French fry. Collectively, we agreed to do any/everything we could to accommodate his needs for more sleep, protein, and intimacy in hopes of helping him find center and stay on the trip. After a group massage, a restful nap and a supportive Skype conversation with his brother, James seemed to swiftly shift back to center.
      Often times when one person in relationship is broke down the other tries to hold it together to support them. So when I felt like he was safely out of crisis, I allowed my own inevitable meltdown.  I woke up angry and I spent most the day crying.  I judged him for not feeling safe enough to share the intensity of his internal process.  I felt betrayed and afraid he wouldn't ask for what he really wanted from me and the relationship because he puts everyone else's needs in front of his own. My heart was further confused by my transference of feelings from my recent break up with his brother. But after deeper inquiry, my greatest fear was losing my best friend. 
      For the last leg of the trip, we rented a swanky apartment overlooking a canal in Paris. Externally, we were site seeing, holding hands, appreciating art, sipping espressos, and enjoying the public transit system in the world's most romantic city. Internally, Michael was sexually frustrated, Jen was jealous of her husband's sleeping with other lovers in San Diego, and I was still sad about my shifting relationship. James's insecurity and struggles continued to the point where he wanting to leave again. 
     And then something Magical happened. Jen's bisexual husband arrived with his insatiable libido and alchemized a breakthrough for the entire group. I'll save the next chapter of our Great European Poly Adventure for my next blog, but I'll tease you a bit by saying there is no lack of sex in that story. 
     The conclusion of James's last 4 days in Paris were bittersweet. We held an urgent family meeting (over pizza and salad again) where many hurt feelings were shared. For greater sustainability James suggested we balance social time with autonomous alone time and more sleep. This is when I insisted that the answer to almost all breakdowns is ritual, magic and better time management. We finally created  a schedule for meal times, day care, and especially built in special time for processing. (I also suggested we structure time for sex, but alas the group wanted this to be spontaneous.) 
    It only took one hour of practicing Zegg Forum per day, we were able to clear lifetimes worth of monogamous programing and cultivate a web of truth, love, and possibility.  After more negotiation, James and I arranged to spend the last few nights in bed together sharing sensuality. Our specific boundaries were no deep kissing or sex. Still, our bodies know how to further a conversation, beyond all words and concepts.  That night, by the moans and singing bedsprings of our lovers in the next room, James plugged his heart into the negative pole in my yoni and we generated a current that illuminated every shadow that had came up throughout the trip. By the morning light, I could see the shift in his eyes as he procured a beautiful feast for the family.  He described the experience as having had his heart crack open. What I see, is a beautiful young man in love and in his power. 

Wednesday, August 10

Love is all around us

By Julia Tham
A beautiful, creative, amazing artist who hosted us in Berlin. Thank you Julia for seeing our love so clearly.   More pictures coming soon.

Monday, August 8

As you are

to know the truth
takes a willingness
to see it naked
and be with it
as it is
as you are

reality is sloppy
like sex
It's ugly and messy
at times
it hurts but it's 
so much more satisfying
than shielding oneself 
with mental illusions

you say you want to
accept what is
but I say, fuck it
Or "make love" to it 
if you insist
Have your way with it

Let me see you
unveil your raw insecure 
uncertain body, for me
so I know I'm not alone
show me, please, that 
nobody is

your deep dark inner experience
is interesting to me
fascinating even.
I'm bored by the impulse 
to reassure me that everything's 
going to be OK

Let yourself be held
for once
Let the tears flow 
through that cold mental filter
so i can mourn with you.
And together we can celebrate
That we may never
figure it all out

But we can, at least
get naked with what is 
and feel it all

Kamala Devi
Aug. 2011

Sunday, August 7

Cheat sheet for Jealousy 11

How do you handle jealousy? This is the most common question that people ask me about polyamory. In this brief video blog Kamala Devi suggests a whole list of ways to deal with the green eyed beast.

Labels for Lovers

Here's a 365 degree view (yes, you get 5 extra degrees!) of the Italian Alps. Kamala explores how she uses labels with her "open" lovers. Primary, pod, friends with Benifits, what do you call your erotic friendships?

Tuesday, August 2

Reflections on SummerCamp with Adam

Day 9: Little Love Shack

Day 9 Kamala inspired by Zegg's 20 year anniversary and tells some of the highs and lows of her time at summercamp, while relaxing in a little old love shack.