Monday, March 2

In Loving Memory of Kim and Chris

This evening I had the bittersweet honor of giving a Eulogy. My dear friends Kim Heil and Chris Rubino died in a car accident on their way home from a Cuddle Party TM lead by Valerie in Joshua Tree on Feb. 16th 2009. Kim was buried in her home town on the east coast and Chris’s ashes were scattered across the country (including in Kims tomb) and the reception was held at a local SD Mariott where there were friends, co-workers and family members speaking on their behalf.

I selected two short pieces of literature that had deep significance for both Kim and Chris. But first, a few personal notes. I’ve known them for the last 3 years, I had the privilege of offering them their first Tantra puja, and they were quick to sign up for nearly everything I offered afterwards. They were also dedicated students of Francoise’s. They soon become pillars in the Tantra community, and in time they also became close personal friends.

In fact, before Michael and I conducted our tantric commitment ceremony, we were having challenges in our relationship and called together a few people es to help us work on our relationship issues. As a relationship coach I was very selective about who I would share my personal trials with, but felt that Kim and Chris knew a thing or two about how to keep a modern relationship successful. It turns out they were instrumental in getting us back into harmony.

We had a lot in common with them. They are not only tantrikas, but thespians! Michael used to hold comedy improve classes in our living room and of course they would show up for that. In fact they were part of the original inspiration for me to start a Tantra Theater troupe. Over New Years we selected 10 creative pioneers to explore birth death and a sacred sexual celebration of life. Kim was going to be our choreographer. Every October she was one of the organizers trying to break the Guinness World Record for the most people simultaneously reenacting the dance from Michael Jackson's Thriller Video. She was going to teach us the basic thriller moves and we were going to do a Tantra- zombie-Bollywood-fusion dance. She was so multi-talented. They were both so creative, sometimes perhaps too creative.

On more than one occasion, Chris alluded to not really fitting into the Tantra community, or any community for that matter. They didn’t consider themselves “spiritual.” The only church they’d go to on Sundays was the San Diego Zoo. If you want to learn anything about human behavior just watch the primates. More specifically, the Bonobo apes.
The Bonobos share more than 98 percent of our genetic profile, making them the closest human ancestor. The species is characterized as female-centered, egalitarian and highly sexualized social beings, for they have evolved to substitute sex for aggression. Kim and Chris were great believers of the philosophy make love not war they visited the Bonobos so often, the bonobos actually recognized them.
In Tantra Theater I asked the cast members to develop a personal narrative around birth, this is what Kim wrote:

“On April 22nd, he came into this world and he truly was a miracle. Since his mother didn't want him, he was considered an orphan and was cared for by the staff. I tried to visit him as often as I could and was allowed to. No matter what stresses I had going on in my life they instantly disappeared when I was with him. I would spend hours watching him sleep in his crib studying his little face, nose, ears. He looked so peaceful, lying so still, swaddled in a blue blanket with only his head peeking out. And when we first made eye contact I was overwhelmed with the connection and the feeling of oneness. We are all one regardless of gender, culture, race, or species. We are all part of the same universe.”

Chris also left me with a piece of literature. He gave me a book called “Godbody” by Theodore Sturgeon. The main character of the book is a sort of Christ figure who at the end is killed and as he lay dying he says,

“Try to remember me. If your goin’ to tell what I said, make it what I said and not what somebody thinks I said or what somebody wishes I’d said.
Also don’t anybody forget I sweat and stink sometimes, and some people-stinks are better’n all the roses in the world. Also I talk people talk and try to keep things simple. I got no rules to recite except: love eachother; God, if you’d all only do that, you wouldn’t need no other rules at all, not one.
Outdoors naked is all the cathedrals I ever want in my name, all the robes and collars as well. Straight, simple, honest talk is all the services anybody ever needs to hold for me, and if you work out a form for it I won’t come.
If ever you want to touch the hand and the heart of God Almighty, you can do it through the body of someone you love. Anytime. Anywhere. Without no middleman. I’ll see you around.” He died."

I love you Kim and Chris, Chris and Kim.

1 comment:

swtpete_at_gmail said...

I miss Kim. I used to tutor with her at Carmel valley to HS kids. She reminded me of Peter pan.. Random.